Have Courage in Your Own Convictions

As the youngest of three sisters, I have always been someone who values counsel. 'Feedback culture' makes a casual appearance on every cover letter I've written. And I mean it.

I'm of the opinion that you can never know enough. You can learn from anyone; people you like or dislike; people you agree with or disagree with; people younger than you or older than you. As such I am always searching for the lesson behind any situation, negative or positive. 

It's why I admire collaboration so much... how someone's contribution, support and skills can accelerate your success far better than you could. I believe in shared goals and visions, in pinky promises made on coffee dates.

But even I must confess: 

There comes a moment, time, or boundary line, when no one else's opinion matters. It often comes in the form of a gentle but firm voice, or a life-defining choice. That is when something deep inside me stands on its hind legs and refuses to budge.

For the life of me I cannot configure what triggers it. Call it evolutionary instinct, intuition, or the very voice of God. It is a quiet knowing, a crystal clear clarity. But when it is triggered, not even my dear sisters, whose confidence and support I trust with my life, can convince me otherwise.

But my conviction doesn't debate or fight. It listens, understands perfectly, and chooses quietly. It is not emotional, or, fairly speaking, even logical. It is a transcendantal knowledge that I accept as mine, and trust that it will be revealed with time.

And revealed it is. Successful attempts to dissuade me from one of my convictions often leads to regret and missed opportunity. Bottomline, it is up to you to decide what you are willing to lose: others' approval, or yourself.

As experience has taught me, it's possible for loved ones to change their minds and understand your choice. It's much harder, however, to get back a passing opportunity or moment.

So, what is conviction, and how does it differ from a passing feeling or desire?

There are no tried and true formulas (at least none that will hold up in a court of law), each person is different. But here are a few tips I've found useful on my own journey:

1. What is conviction?

I described it earlier as a deep, quiet knowing. But in more certain terms, I believe conviction is remembering. 

I believe that time is not linear; the past, present and future are all happening simultaneously, and can occasionally blur into each other. 

Convictions are the clues we have left ourselves back towards ourselves. They are our mental and spiritual connection to what is and what is meant to be. 

2. Conviction is not what you want, it's what you believe

We've all done it. Wanted something (or someone) so badly that we've rounded up 'clues' and signs that we were on the right track. We've enlisted friends and family and pitched them our fervent fantasies, hoping they will come true. But wanting something badly enough doesn't mean it's actually aligned for us. 

Conviction is something else altogether – your personal feelings have little do with it. So often, my gut-instincts are the very last thing I want. They require risk-taking and hard decisions... they take me out of my comfort zone. My convictions have driven me to do things that terrified me or that I wouldn't have personally chose.

But despite my own resistance, was the deep belief or certainty that I was doing the right thing. 

3. Conviction requires courage

Conviction is terrifying. It takes a lot of strength to silence the million voices around you, or in your own head, and take the step.

But the more you follow it, the easier it becomes. The more you listen to that inner voice, the easier it gets to identify it. What's more, the stronger your trust in it grows. Once you realise that this voice is on your side, will never fail you, you will no longer hesitate to follow it.

4. Conviction can't be shared

You could interpret this two ways. In the literal sense, sharing your convictions with others is a recipe for disaster. It opens the door for people to discourage you from your path or sow doubt in your mind. 

This can be especially difficult if you're someone who seeks validation or support from others. In order to be truly great, sometimes you have to defy the norms and walk alone. If every great innovator or genius stopped to ask for permission, we would live in a different world entirely.

In a more figurative sense, a conviction is deeply personal. It speaks to you and you alone; you cannot convince someone to see your vision or help you carry it out. Now, some people will get it instantly, and be of great help to you... but most people will not. 

And that is fine. They are not meant to walk your path, you are. Stop waiting for others to cosign your ideas in order to move forward. A personal calling cannot be transferred via osmosis. It is your own journey to take. Sometimes you have to start walking for that path to even take shape. It isn't until you are on your way that you may find like-minded people, but you have to first be comfortable with being completely alone.

5. Conviction is greatly rewarding 

On the other side of that fear, loneliness or resistance, is something beyond gratifying. It's the beauty on the other side of sacrifice. It's the growth and lessons you accumulated along the way, not through word of mouth or an academic transcript, but by firsthand experience. 

By following my inner voice, I have uncovered parts of myself I never knew existed. I've defied aspects of my identity that I thought were fixed or irreversible. I've grown comfortable with being afraid and doing it anyway.

By far the most surprising result has been the amount of people who have shown interest in my creative path, and asked for my assistance on their own. I never would have conceived that my own tumultuous journey would be inspiring to anyone. 

Above all, I learnt that the cost of not following your conviction is greater than you can imagine... it's not just about you, but there are so many lives you can pour into when yours is full.

6. It's in the little things

How does one go from a life ruled by fear to walking with courage? You may feel 10 000 miles away from the life that you want, so much that you don’t know where or how to start. 

Make small changes.

Conviction, like anything else, takes practice. Exercise your agency and autonomy in microscopic ways everyday. This can look like anything: starting a project you have interest in (even if no one sees it), pick up a hobby that brings you excitement, decorate your room, join an online club, and meet people you connect with.

It may take time before you even notice a difference, but true freedom starts from within. Enriching your inner world is the perfect foundation to an interesting life. 

Remember, conviction is a journey. Don't compare your path to anyone else.