Speechless

You never used duct tape to make me quiet

The words " shut up " went unspoken. 

You didn't need an iron grip to keep me still

But you've always liked me better when I was silent

Found me prettier with my mouth closed

Any words I spoke shrank you like a stone

You became so cold

A distant place, no longer home.

That's how you keep me under your control

...speak over me in attempt to smother my voice 

And pretend it is my choice.

You nod in approval when I am tight lipped

You tell me the world is easier to swallow with my mouth zipped

You treat my opinions like weapons

My honesty it threatens, your calm facade

My 2 cents land like hand grenades

My breath sharpens like knives

The echoes of my mind, slice through the air like a blade

I've learned to scream without making a sound

Sometimes I can't sleep at night because the quiet is so loud.

PS. : I often wonder, should I have a child...if I will smother her cries in the night, and is doing so for my benefit or hers? If hush little baby are truly loving words, and what if all she needed was to be heard?