Forecast: cloudy, threatening rain There's a post I made somewhere below...a silly rant about Aladdin and 3 perfect wishes... Um, try not to look it up. It'll only embarrass the both of us. I never did find a magic lamp but my 22nd birthday is on the way and my wish is too tiny, too simple, too shameful to utter aloud. What I want, what I want ... The question is posed again and again. What kind of cake do you want? Well... I want a small cake, exactly enough for everyone present, six candles alight in a dim room. Maybe it was whipped up at the last second or picked up at the store on the way home, maybe a wallet was held upside down...emptied in haste to cover the cost. Nothing can quite compete with the taste of being loved with all one had. What do I want? What I want is not to be asked. What I want is hands covering my eyes, leading me to the door "I'm sorry this is all I could afford" It's so little but so much more than I could dare to ask for. Maybe...
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Forecast: a summer sky I'm learning new ways to say I love you. A warm plate of breakfast. Imperfect omelet on toast, slices of fresh avocado and bitter coffee served with shaky hands. A head popping into the kitchen, asking "Do you need some help?" A friend, sending me a song. This made me think of you. My mother, giving me an aspirin. When the bad voice in my head gets too loud, I carry these moments. Of love unspoken. Of love too shy and broken To shout But still it stands, firm and true. Learning new ways to say I love you.
Well, this isn't really fair is it? You were promised sunshine And I delivered rainclouds. So I step outside, in search of some. The grass wets my feet with dew and the birds sing what I imagine is a popular tune. Everything is still and shy, much like me. I see myself in the sky... on the verge of breaking forth and shining into a happier dawn. We're gonna do it, the sun and I any minute now. I hope you like your sunshine with a side of clouds.
There are times when existence is nearly unbearable Where being alive feels like a chore I'm not quite qualified for. I contemplate the mere 5×2 radius I take up in the world... still I think it generous. I bunch my shoulders and cross my arms But there I am. Much too bold, a little too loud Even one can be a crowd. I sprinkle roses in my words ...still thorns fall out Oh but to float from room to room my presence a dainty whisper But there I am. Much too solid, a little too alive Today I manage to get by. I lived. My task is done. I did it kicking and screaming, but in the end all it took was standing and breathing.
The Perfect Date
Something significant happened on such a day as this The fourth day of April. Was it two winters ago? Three? I don't remember how I got home, but something must've carried me... A memory? A somebody? For the life of me I can't recall Was it a glance...was I courageous enough to dance? On such a day as this I managed to find some bliss It's faint now, a hazy recollection. But it's no matter, I know it can be found again On such a day as this.